here I am always bitching about something...

I know I am constantly bitching on here, but I feel like I have no where else to go with my feelings. And that to me is really sad. I feel like I have no friends that I can talk to. My so called "best friends" could care less about me, and it is hard to talk to them about anything besides guys, and drinking.
My friends at school are okay. It is easy for me to make friends, its not easy for me to maintain friendships. I just stop talking to people, I can't help it, people either bore me or piss me off.
I cried myself to sleep last night because I realized that I don't have a single friend I could talk to that I could tell them how I am feeling. I am feeling alone, hurt, small, stressed, scared, depressed, sad, upset, trapped, unsafe, frustrated, confused, horrible, monstrous.

Too bad I have no one to talk to.
I think I have always dealt with being depressed. Last year it came to a head when I measured how much rope I would need to hang myself in my basement. (obviously I didn't do it, I think I just needed people to care and pay attention to me). I sometimes still feel those feelings though. I just feel really alone. Alone in the world with no one to talk to.

................oh baby.

Blargh.
Not feeling well today. Not feeling well emotionally either, I could care less about everything and anything.

roughly one more month to go!

Oh. My. Goodness. I am so excited. One more month of school (roughly) and then summer! No more roommates, no more cold, drafty, prison like apartment, no more strange mushroom smells outside, no more mennonites. I am so frikkin excited.


My roommate from hell, Liz, has unfriended me from facebook. Its about fucking time. Now I can trash the bitch all I want without feeling guilty.


I know this is horrible of me to say, but I really want to fuck something of her's up. (I'm sure she has messed with my shit before). I don't want to seem disgusting but I would love to like... wipe a booger on her door handle or something. Or spit in her milk.


I just really can't stand this girl. I thought I was an easy person to get along with but I guess I was totally wrong. lol. I still think I am easy to get along with, just don't piss me off.

On a clear day baby, you can see tomorrow.

I just watched the movie "Jawbreaker". Such a good movie. I am in the mood to be amused, but there is no one around-- scratch that, the roommate is here, but I would rather talk to a wall.

Spring break went well, it made me more tired that I had started out being. I am still catching up on sleep. School is going well I guess, still not doing good in Biology but at this point it can seriously bite me.

I've gotten fatter (no surprise), so I can't really fit into my bridemaid's dress comfortably. Time to hit the gym everyday at school I guess-- lucky me.
Nothing really is going on... but a question

what is a friend?

if you know the answer please let me know.