here I am always bitching about something...

I know I am constantly bitching on here, but I feel like I have no where else to go with my feelings. And that to me is really sad. I feel like I have no friends that I can talk to. My so called "best friends" could care less about me, and it is hard to talk to them about anything besides guys, and drinking.
My friends at school are okay. It is easy for me to make friends, its not easy for me to maintain friendships. I just stop talking to people, I can't help it, people either bore me or piss me off.
I cried myself to sleep last night because I realized that I don't have a single friend I could talk to that I could tell them how I am feeling. I am feeling alone, hurt, small, stressed, scared, depressed, sad, upset, trapped, unsafe, frustrated, confused, horrible, monstrous.

Too bad I have no one to talk to.
I think I have always dealt with being depressed. Last year it came to a head when I measured how much rope I would need to hang myself in my basement. (obviously I didn't do it, I think I just needed people to care and pay attention to me). I sometimes still feel those feelings though. I just feel really alone. Alone in the world with no one to talk to.