Chocolate gives me heartburn. :(

I feel like disappointed with life right now. I feel like I am stuck in a rut. There are so many things I have to accomplish this week and I don't feel like doing anything at all.

I have exams on tuesday, wednesday, and friday. I have to move everything out of my apartment on the 2nd. and I have to find a job for the summer. I feel like stressed out.

My family flies by me, I am just a rock in their path. No one really talks to me, if they do they are drunk. Its just a weird time. I am worried that once I am out of my apartment and home for the summer I am not going to have anywhere to go to just chill out by myself. At least now, here in my room at my apartment I can be by myself. At home everyone is up my ass.

Once I do get home its going to be me, cooking and cleaning all day long. My house is a mess, I help my boyfriend's mom out by cleaning her house (for money). And I cook like everyday. I am just sick of it. I want to be alone.

All I want is my mom, but she is 6 feet under in a grave decaying. FML. :(

all bottled up inside...

I feel lonely, and depressed.

Next wednesday will be a year that my mom passed away. I miss her so much, you have no idea. I basically lost a best friend. Me and my mom were really close.

I've been recently feeling like I have lost another best friend, my friend amanda. But I think she has been gone for quite some time now.

I have also lost myself. I am not the same person as I used to be before my mom passed away. I miss my mom, and myself.


I love how my friends never invite me to do anything. I love how my roommates (the one who hates me, and amanda) go and do things, but never tell me. I don't want to go with them (i can't fucking stand Liz) but I would just like to know why amanda never attempts or tries to hang out with me.


Heaven forbid she actually asks me how I am, I'm actually pretty sure she doesn't even know my mom's 1 yr ann. of her death is next week. She doesn't care. When it happened she came and visited me the next day, was there for the funeral, and never talked about it since, or even asked me how I am doing. I don't know, to me that is showing that you don't care. I guess me considering her one of my best friends was pretty dumb. How can someone be a friend if they don't really care about you?


I at least try to care about my friends, I may not do a good job of listening all the time, but I try to be there for them. Thats more than I can say about amanda. I think I am done with her. I'm done with everything.


Life just fucking sucks. But like the desk that I have in educational psychology says... "life will kill you."



aint that the truth.

3 more weeks of school

2 more weeks of classes, and 1 week of finals. then i am done til the end of august.
fuckin' sweet.

my roommate is a stupid c**t. i can't frikkin stand her. i am sooooooooo excited to be moving out of here soon and to never ever have to deal with her again.

she likes to use the COMMON AREA as her personal study/library, and her "nap time" area.

i would love to punch her in the face one day. either that or to tell her to go fuck herself.

Your voice is like a fire alarm.

Today I found out that I was accepted into the Art Education program at my school. Let me tell you, I am very excited. Now I have a major and I am no longer "undeclared" I also have a schedule picked out for next semester.

I am going to try to forget that I will have to take an extra year of college (I should be graduating in the spring of 2010.) But now it will be spring 2011.


Everyone thinks I am really young. Like a freshman, or even in highschool. I'm 20 yrs old dammit and almost a senior in college. FML.

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend (we just recently celebrated our 1 and a half years together on April 3rd). I told him that sometimes I hate his voice, and listening to him talk makes me want to smash my phone and then shoot myself. lol.


I love him.