all bottled up inside...

I feel lonely, and depressed.

Next wednesday will be a year that my mom passed away. I miss her so much, you have no idea. I basically lost a best friend. Me and my mom were really close.

I've been recently feeling like I have lost another best friend, my friend amanda. But I think she has been gone for quite some time now.

I have also lost myself. I am not the same person as I used to be before my mom passed away. I miss my mom, and myself.


I love how my friends never invite me to do anything. I love how my roommates (the one who hates me, and amanda) go and do things, but never tell me. I don't want to go with them (i can't fucking stand Liz) but I would just like to know why amanda never attempts or tries to hang out with me.


Heaven forbid she actually asks me how I am, I'm actually pretty sure she doesn't even know my mom's 1 yr ann. of her death is next week. She doesn't care. When it happened she came and visited me the next day, was there for the funeral, and never talked about it since, or even asked me how I am doing. I don't know, to me that is showing that you don't care. I guess me considering her one of my best friends was pretty dumb. How can someone be a friend if they don't really care about you?


I at least try to care about my friends, I may not do a good job of listening all the time, but I try to be there for them. Thats more than I can say about amanda. I think I am done with her. I'm done with everything.


Life just fucking sucks. But like the desk that I have in educational psychology says... "life will kill you."



aint that the truth.