Even the soda will not keep me awake much longer.

So, since we have no water here in good ol' k-town, I've been drinking soda all day long. I presumed it would give me enough boost to read the 8 chapters I needed to read for my two exams tomorrow. I was wrong. I've been reading since about.... 2:30pm. I am finally done. In the meantime I had to make a paper mache sculpture, think about starting a painting, and wash some dishes. But for the most part I read, and studied. I hope my efforts pay off tomorrow (well today, at around 11am, and 3pm).
I am having problems, I think I have "seasonal depression" haha, I just get really fucked up during february for some reason, last year was really bad. I need to start/finish my art portfolio for school so I can finally get into my major, about.... 3 years late. :) It is due March 20, but... since I don't have that much time I need to get it in sooner, which means I need to produce artwork in a hurry. Which doesn't really happen for me since I have not motivated what-so-ever. Being turned down twice by this Art education program has really taken its toll. Sure, I want to try again and hopefully make it in, but I am so sick of failing, and failing over stupid mistakes.
When I was younger I used to be so afraid of failure that I wouldn't even try at all. But turns out, that isn't that way to go either because if you don't try, its also considered failing. haha. I am just sick of being turned down. Sick of people asking things of me, sick of living up to expectations. My sister is a screw up, and older than me. So basically I have to pull my weight, and hers.
I don't know, I honestly think february drives my mind crazy.